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February 2014

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The LJ app is awful and I never post!

Major updates on my life:
- Julie and I officially actually for real broke up in December (after she got fired from her job in November) and she moved in with her sister in Oakland, but couldn't secure a job in the Bay Area so now she's living w/her parents in the Portland area.

- As a result, my bills have doubled and I'm super stressed out and broke all the time. I didn't ask her to move out, just neither of us loves Eugene and after losing her job and our relationship going south, she didn't want to stay. I don't blame her for that, and I think the space has been really good, but the money sucks. However, I would rather she be unemployed at her parents' than unemployed here because I can barely afford myself and the ratties. Also, it's a lot easier to forgo going out for lunch and stuff when it's only me. I do go out with friends but it's less often and cheaper than with Julie for sure.

- I was suicidally depressed following her moving out because, well, I love her, and it was jarring to go from having a companion to being totally alone. I have a few friends here, but no one really close. It is never a great idea to have one person be your best friend, partner, and one-person support system where you are living. This is something I'm working on. In that sense it's been good to learn how to rely on just myself again, and to reach out and open up to friends here. I felt really down on myself because I didn't want to break up (though I did get some closure when she visited a few weeks ago; I realize we are a lot better as friends so I can let that go) and, being the dumpee, was pretty hard on myself about it. It didn't help that this was all around Christmas time and all of my siblings are in happy relationships while I was fresh off a breakup, haha. I felt like a ninth wheel!

- I am looking to move back to portland when I can afford it, because eugene sucks and I don't want to sign another lease here, and my current place is too expensive to do anything more than scrape by. I really want to finish school but I owe the school $3k and I don't foresee when I can save that much. But I know I can't do it here haha. I would consider staying if I found a room share that was a good fit I think, but I haven't yet. I have awful credit and can't afford much of a deposit anywhere, plus I'd have to give notice here... Complicating factors. Alternatively, I could get a roommate, but I have a small one bedroom with the bathroom inside of the bedroom lol. I wish I could afford a studio apartment on my income but I can't.

- Pansy ended up passing away on Christmas. We tried everything, but he just didn't get better. Rest in peace, little buddy.

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Comments

I'm glad to see you post on here - I agree that the LJapp is awful though!
Sorry to hear about the break-up and Pansy dying :( *huggles*
Best of luck with finding a place in Portland. I'm crossing my fingers.