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February 2014

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So not keeping up with that meme. Eh! I have been feeling really torn as to whether I want to do social work or if I want to work with animals. As that would require a science degree, and I am one year (due to residency/tuition issues i'm taking one class right now and taking all of next year off despite impending student loan payments) away from a bachelor of ARTS in social work, it makes the most sense to just finish on my current track... But if it gives me crippling anxiety, isn't what I want to do, and requires a TON of time and commitment (hard to give when you're not super into it), is it even worth it?

My heart says no, of course, but my brain is overwhelmed by the financial side of things- i have growing debt from loans that I'll have to start paying 6 months into my year break (trying to gain residency, even though tbh I'm tired of Portland and the idea of just living here for a year in order to MAYBE get residency to stay for ANOTHER year finishing a program my heart isn't committed to makes for bad feelings). Should i decide not to finish my bsw, i'll have to either continue to pay loans back while not going to school or put them on hold by continuing school/digging myself deeper into debt while trying to study something else... Best case there would be gaining residency (here or in another state- my heart is super drawn to northern CA), taking any 100 or 200-level classes I need for my (new) degree at a community college, and then finishing up at a university. This would make for LESS debt piling up, and I could improve my gpa at community college.

The worst part about trying to gain residency in Oregon, besides that it might not even work since I have been continually in school since moving here (although also continually employed and paying taxes etc :/), is that... I mean, if I take a year off school, why would I want to stay in Oregon? D: I would want to travel. One thing I could do, though, is some sort of live in internship type deal... Like maybe WWOOFing (volunteer to work and live on an organic farm, basically). That would make it bearable, for me, but I may need a car as that would likely be rural (obv).

Anyway, so I am writing about this because I had my volunteer orientation at the local humane society today and it is making me question my life choices. As much as I have a gift for kindness and compassion toward humans (not to sound conceited? Lol), I have always always always been better with animals. Also I am weirdly stoked that they have a surgery viewing room (like in a hospital, because they have an awesome medical center on-site), I feel like what I have the stomach for would be helpful to know if I do want to work with animals. So yeah.

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"But if it gives me crippling anxiety, isn't what I want to do, and requires a TON of time and commitment (hard to give when you're not super into it), is it even worth it?"
NO.

I know it's easy to say from here though.

I hope you can figure out stuff soon. Life can be so hard sometimes D: